Have you ever had a thought and your mind seems to wander and you think you are on to something and then....
That happens to me all the time. I think about ideas for paintings when I am reading, in stolen, silent, early mornings, and even in the car...
When my boys are quiet. Which isn't often. #boymomlife!
My mind and heart had been overwhelmed and lost. I felt like I needed to do more. My negative self-talk was on high alert. The constant nagging of my inner voice said, "You aren't good enough... You are not patient with your children...You are a bad mother... You are being selfish... You don't have enough time....the time has passed."
I think that is human nature. We are constantly caught in a balance of wanting to DO MORE and feeling like we can't possibly take on ANYTHING ELSE. At least that is what I tell myself for a little bit of comfort.
So instead of pushing the feelings aside and pretending I was doing just fine or it would pass in time, I started writing them down. Instead of writing down all the negative, I tried to sort them out.
I kept a notebook by my bed and kept a sketchbook at my desk.
I started sketching and drew these images.
*disclaimer-these are rough sketches and my rogue coloring 2 year old found my notes.
He has added his suggestions in blue scribbles.
The first one I wrote down I called "Reaching Expectations".
I pictured a woman lying down with her back turned and her arms out-stretched. She is reaching for something that we cannot see.
I thought about all the expectations that I put on myself and that I let others put on me too. You know the expectations that I am talking about right?
The expectations that are totally unattainable.
The, "I have it perfectly together all the time" expectations.
The, "I know exactly what I want and how I am going to get there" expectations.
The, "I am the fittest, smartest, coolest, best mommy award everyday" expectations
I started thinking, when I reach for my expectations and give power to the unrealistic expectations that others have of me, I just drown in disappointment. I am not enough.
What I came to realize is when we are working on reaching our potential and going after our dreams, if we rely JUST ON OURSELVES and/or JUST ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS it isn't going to happen.
When we are relying on and strengthening our connection with God we will feel His love. We will understand his acceptance and forgiveness. We will feel his belief in us as we believe in Him. #godslove
His expectation isn't a negative one at all. It is perfect.
His expectation of me is to learn from my mistakes.
He expects me to grow from my failures.
He expects me to forgive.
He expects me to love.
So when I get overly frustrated with my children or I snap at my husband, I can find peace that God doesn't expect me to be perfect.
His expectation is difficult but in no way unattainable. He expects that I "Come Unto Him." He wants me to ask for forgiveness, he wants me to try a little harder, he wants me to be a little better and when I fall short...He will remind me again, to "Come unto Him."
I am saying to anybody reading and to myself...Don't give up! Little by little you will improve. KNOW that you will get back up again. And that you have divine help if you ask for it!
Tell yourself that you are #enough, not because you are perfect BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GIVING UP.
This painting is the first of a series of several. I wanted to show how our relationship with God changes over time.
He is the constant.
We are the variable.
This first painting, which is called "Expectations: shows the times when we are at our lowest. We have laid down and given up. We reach and think we feel nothing. But all we need to do is stand up and hold on. We need to realize that what we are reaching for is God and that we seek His presence.
You just need to reach a little further.
You just need to get back up.
You just need to know that God expects the best from you. And know that you can expect Him to help you along the way.
Thank you for reading!