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Holding on to NOW

What do you hold on to?

The past, the present, or the future?

This is what I mean.

Do you hold on to...

Past beliefs about yourself?

What you want to be?

I have huge lists of "I used to be's."

Used to be more patient, more productive, cleaner, faster, smarter MORE.

Used to make mistakes, hold on to guilt, can't move forward?

For example, I tell myself a big lie. It goes like this...

"I USED TO BE" so patient! Then I became a mother.

You know what that lie does for me? A whole lot of nothing!

That type of #negativeselftalk tells me that I wasn't made for motherhood and that because I was more patient in the past that right now, I am failing big time.

I have an #IAM journal now (inspired by @thetiabeestokes) and I write down 3-5 "I am" statements each morning, you know what the first one always is?


Is it always true?


But I have now written it more than 100 times and I have come to learn a thing or two about myself and patience and it forced me to ask some questions.



The real test is RIGHT NOW in the midst of motherhood.

The real test is a screaming toddler, who after everything I have done to make sure he is healthy, loved, and taken care of, will not stop.

The real test is putting my hands up to what I can't control, to walk away, to pick my battles, and to love more and yell less.

I am learning to be patient RIGHT NOW. I didn't "used to be" more patient. I didn't have little people I love testing my patience.

For you, it may be learning patience through health issues, a taxing job, or maybe balancing a relationship. Maybe it is something I could never dream.

What about the other end of the spectrum?

Wishes without a plan? The "I'll be happy when's".

I have a list of those too.

I will be happy when I am like this artist, this mom, when I am

more talented, more ambitious, forgiven, stronger, different, BETTER.

Looking at the future with this type of #mindset brings a lot of fear and a lot of doubt.

Both sides discourage change and discourage me to #grow and improve.

This type of mindset tells me that I haven't proven myself, nothing of where I have been or where I want to be matter.

But haven't I proven myself? Didn't I make a sincere effort today to do a little more and be a little better?

And even if I didn't, can I still decide right NOW that if I want something and it is GOOD that I can ask God for help and I have the POWER to make it happen?

Hold on to what you can do RIGHT NOW.

Stop JUST wishing for it.

Stop dwelling on past mistake or what could have been.

Instead, HOLD ON to the opportunities that are divinely placed in front of you RIGHT NOW.

So, with all that being said, that is what this piece is about for me.

A commitment to hold on to the PRESENT and to love where I am right now.

That way I can have the strength to move forward.

And the wisdom to appreciate what has been.

Thank you for reading!



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